Monthly Archives: December 2013

Time of Christmas Cheer?

The festive season is approaching fast

Perhaps it will be better than the last

With drunken uncles their cheeks all aglow

Lurching round, behind their backs, a sprig of mistletoe

Ancient aunties breaking wind while still fast asleep

And raucous children with toys that flash and bleep

The simmering arguments coming to the boil

Among the women in the kitchen at their toil

‘We would baste the potatoes with oil in my day’

‘Well, I don’t care.  This year I’m doing it my way’

Betty Windsor on the box talking to the world

With the noise coming from the kitchen of something being hurled

The cat noisily throwing up beneath the Christmas tree

 The boy’s latest girlfriend announcing loudly ‘My food must be gluten free!’

The smokers in the garden braving the cold

Back in the kitchen the melee reaching fever pitch ‘You just will not be told!’

Eventually, without UN intervention, the meal was laid out and the feasting did begin

Apart from Scottish Auntie Mabel who had overdone the gin

Although it wouldn’t have been much use

‘I hav’nae got my teeth. I left them in the hoose’

Two people wanted the Parson’s nose and four a leg apiece

The resultant scramble covering the tablecloth with grease

Slowly the overloaded table was cleared of its stress

The stomachs now feeling the unaccustomed press

The dishwasher on its fourth load, working overtime

Auntie Mabel on her second wind and tenth gin and lime

More drink consumed, arguments began before it finally diminished

Until everyone agreed that the day was finished

Soon enough it was over and all had gone to bed

Everyone totally sated and very over fed

Yes, let’s hope it will be better than last years

But just at this minute nothing will allay my fears!